Quotes From Christmas Vacation: Laugh-Out-Loud Lines from the Chevy Chase Comedy

Quotes From Christmas Vacation: Laugh-Out-Loud Lines from the Chevy Chase Comedy

The holiday comedy National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation starring Chevy Chase is filled with hilarious and memorable “quotes from Christmas Vacation” that have become classics. Clark Griswold’s mishaps and meltdowns like getting trapped in the attic and sledding over “solidified sewage” provide endless laughs. Lines about Christmas lights, gifts, and awkward family gatherings like “Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?” are as much a part of the season as decorating trees and drinking eggnog. Let’s explore the funniest and most memorable “quotes from Christmas Vacation” that never fail to put us in the holiday spirit.

The Best Quotes from Christmas Vacation

The best quotes from Christmas Vacation feature the hapless but hilarious Clark Griswold and exemplify the holiday spirit. Quotes from the classic comedy National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation contain humor while referencing Christmas lights and originating from the iconic Christmas movie.

The quotes highlight Clark Griswold’s comedic misadventures as he tries unsuccessfully to create the perfect family Christmas. Lines like “Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?” have become as much a part of the holiday season as decorating trees and drinking eggnog. The memorable quotes represent the comedy and warmth associated with Christmas and family gatherings.

Here is the list of the best Christmas Vacation quotes that humorously represent the Christmas festival season:

Classic Clark Griswold – Chevy Chase

  • “You gotta be proud.” — Clark Griswold
  • “We’re going to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye!” — Clark Griswold
  • “We’re kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.” — Clark Griswold
  • “I’ll, uh, park the cars, and check the luggage, and, uh…I’ll be outside for the season.” — Clark Griswold
  • “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?” —Clark Griswold
clark griswold quote national lampoons christmas vacation
  • “A lot of sap in here! Looks great. A little full. A lot of sap.” — Clark Griswold
  • sips eggnog “It’s good. It’s good.” —Clark Griswold
  • “Save the neck for me, Clark!” — Cousin Eddie
  • “Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.” — Clark Griswold
  • “Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record—Clark W. Griswold Jr.!” — Clark Griswold
  • “Hey kids, look! A deer!” — Clark Griswold
  • “It’s a one-year membership in the jelly-of-the-month club.” — Clark Griswold
  • “Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down.” —Ellen Griswold
    “Amen!” — Clark Griswold
  • “If you’re good, Santa knows it. And if you believe in him, and you believe in your mom and you believe in your dad—if you’ve been good all year round, Santa Claus is going to bring you something.” — Clark Griswold
  • “Clark! We’re stuck under a truck!” — Ellen Griswold
  • “Worse?! How can they get any worse?! Take a look around you, Ellen! We’re at the threshold of hell!” — Clark Griswold
    “It’s not going in our yard, Russ. It’s going in our living room.” — Clark Griswold
  • “Not recently, Clark, he read that squirrels were high on cholesterol.” — Catherine
    “Clark, we’re stuck under a truck!”
  • “Look what you’ve done to my tree!” — Clark Griswold
  • “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air, and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.” —Clark Griswold
  • “This isn’t charity, it’s family.” — Clark Griswold
clark griswold quote national lampoons christmas vacation 1
  • “It wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter-hotter! Than they are.” — Clark Griswold
  • “It’s the Christmas star. And that’s all that matters tonight. Not bonuses or gifts or turkeys or trees. See kids, it means something different to everybody. Now I know what it means to me.” — Clark Griswold
    “Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down.”
  • Yes, it’s a bit nipply out—I mean nippy out.” —Clark Griswold
  • “When Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!” —Clark Griswold
    “If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas.” — Clark Griswold
    “It’s all part of the experience, honey!” — Clark Griswold
  • “Here’s the heart.” — Clark Griswold
    “Save the neck for me, Clark.”
  • “Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Christhmath.” — Clark Griswold
  • “I’m going to catch it in the coat, smack it with a hammer!” — Clark Griswold
  • “I was just looking at something for my wife, God rest her soul.” — Clark Griswold
  • “Don’t piss me off, Art.” — Clark Griswold
  • “I didn’t go berserk, I simply solved a problem. We needed a coffin, uh, I mean, a tree.” — Clark Griswold
  • “Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.” — Clark Griswold
    “Hurry up, Clark. I’m freezing my baguettes off.”
  • “I did it.” — Clark Griswold
    “Is your house on fire, Clark?”
    “Oh, no, no! She’s not dead. Yet. We’re just divorced. She’s history.” — Clark Griswold
  • “Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here.” —Clark Griswold
  • “Hallelujah! Holy s**t! Where’s the Tylenol?” — Clark Griswold
  • “Eat my road, Red Liver Lips!” — Clark Griswold
  • “When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and… Eddie. With a man in his pajamas and a dog chain tied to his wrists and ankles.” — Clark Griswold
  • “Oops, a little knot here. You work on that.” — Clark Griswold
    “Bend over and I’ll show ya!” — Clark Griswold
  • “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold
  • “I was just smelling…smiling! I was just blouse…browsing!” — Clark Griswold
  • “Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.” — Cousin Eddie
  • “Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas! No! No!” — Clark Griswold

Ellen’s Wisdom and Woes

  • “I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping.” — Ellen Griswold
    “Worse?! How could things get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen! We’re at the threshold of hell!!”
  • “Is it plugged in?” —Ellen Griswold
  • “Welcome to our home—what’s left of it.” — Ellen Griswold
  • “He’s old. This may be his last Christmas.” — Ellen Griswold
ellen griswold quote national lampoons christmas vacation
  • “Well, I don’t know what to say except it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” — Ellen Griswold
  • “I don’t want to spend the holidays dead!” — Ellen Griswold
    “Catherine says he’s been holding out for a management position.” — Ellen Griswold
  • “I think you’re forgetting how difficult it’s going to be having everybody at the house at the same time.” — Ellen Griswold
  • “I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping.” —Ellen Griswold
  • “Our Father, who art in Heaven. Hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband, he knows not what he does.” — Ellen Griswold
  • “Is it plugged in?” — Ellen Griswold

The Irrepressible Cousin Eddie

  • “I don’t know if I ought to go sailing down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic.” — Cousin Eddie
  • “I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV.” — Cousin Eddie
  • “A little tree water ain’t gonna hurt him.” — Cousin Eddie
  • “And the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career!” — Cousin Eddie
cousin eddie quote national lampoons christmas vacation
  • “Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the wild turkey.” — Cousin Eddie
  • “Here’s a little list – alphabetical, starting with Catherine.” — Cousin Eddie
    “Carnival.” — Cousin Eddie
  • “Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!” —Cousin Eddie
    “Surprised, Eddie?… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.”
  • “Oh, he’s just yakkin’ on a bone.” —Cousin Eddie

The Grandparents’ Gaffes

  • “If they know you’re dad, they won’t think anything of it.” — Grandpa Art
  • “I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” — Aunt Bethany
  • “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.” —Uncle Lewis
  • “What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?” —Grandpa Art
  • “Your grandma’s got a real painful bur on her heel. If you rub it for me, I’ll give you a whole quarter.” —Grandma Nora
grandpa art quote national lampoons christmas vacation
  • “When did you move to Florida?” — Aunt Bethany
  • “The BLESSSSSING.” —Uncle Lewis
  • “The little lights are not twinkling.” — Grandpa Art
  • “Do you hear it? It’s a funny squeaky sound!” — Aunt Bethany
  • “Play ball!” — Aunt Bethany
  • “Hey, Gris, if you’re not doing anything constructive, run into the living room, get my stogy.” — Uncle Lewis
  • “Grace? She passed away 30 years ago!” — Aunt Bethany

The Kids’ Quips

  • “Mom? This box is meowing.” — Rusty Griswold
    “Dad, I think what you mean is ‘Burn rubber, and eat my dust…'” — Rusty Griswold
  • “Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?” —Audrey Griswold
bill quote national lampoons christmas vacation

The Neighbors and Beyond

  • “And why is the carpet all wet, Todddddd?”
  • “Where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?” — Todd Chester
  • “I can’t just attack someone.” — Todd Chester
  • “If you want to come in you’ll have to break down the goddamn door!” —Margo Chester
    “I don’t know Margo!” — Todd Chester

The Heart of Christmas

  • “Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Happy Hanukkah.”
    “I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping.”
  • “Looks great. Little full, lotta sap.”
  • “Yes, it’s a bit nipply out, I mean nippy out.”
    “Eat my rubber!”
  • “It’s people that make the difference – little people like you.” — Frank Shirley
    “Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.”
  • “Frank, honey, you were kidnapped!” — Mrs. Shirley
    “Amen.” — Everyone
    “Oh, he’s just yakkin’ on a bone.”
uncle lewis quote national lampoons christmas vacation
  • “Wouldn’t be the holiday shopping season if the stores weren’t hooter than they are—hotter than they are.”
  • “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.”
    “I was just looking at something for my wife, God rest her soul.”
    “Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where’s the Tylenol?”
    “Welcome to our home—what’s left of it.”
    “We’re not driving all the way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it, are we, Dad?”
  • “Yes, officer? It seems my husband has been abducted. The man was wearing a blue leisure suit.” — Mrs. Shirley
  • “You’re the last true family man.” — Bill
  • “God, I’m so sorry!” — Mary
  • “We’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas.”
  • “I love it here. You don’t got to put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place.” — Ruby Sue
    “Eat my road grit, Liver Lips!”
  • “This isn’t charity; it’s family.”
    “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn; the clean, cool chill of the holiday air; and an assh*le in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.”
    “Well, I’m gonna park the cars and get the luggage, and well, I’ll be outside for the season.”
    “Hey Griswold, where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?”
  • “I love it here. You don’t gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place!” —Ruby Sue

FAQs – National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

What’s the best line from Christmas Vacation?

“We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tapdanced with Danny-f—cking-Kaye.” —Clark Griswold

What was Clark Griswold’s famous line?

Clark Griswold: “We’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas.”

What does Audrey say in Christmas Vacation?

Audrey: We’re not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?

Conclusion

The iconic lines from the Christmas Vacation movie have become classics of holiday pop culture. Clark Griswold’s epic meltdowns and mishaps provided endlessly quotable Christmas Vacation movie lines. Quotes like “Shitter was full!” and “Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas” exemplify the humor and warmth that makes Christmas Vacation such a beloved holiday film.